120 Days In. (Life Happens. Keep Going.)

keep going

You can see my original post here, my 30 day update here, and my 60 day update here.

And now I have a 120 day update for you:

Sometimes life happens and you don’t do things perfectly.  And then you have a choice: give up or keep going.  I choose to keep going.

Things can fall apart.  Things can change.  And they do!

Maybe you get thrown a curveball and you are thinking “Wow! I didn’t see that coming!”  Or maybe you did see it coming, and now it’s here.

Life is about being accountable for yourself.  It’s about owning up to reality.  Who you are.  What actions you choose to take.  It’s basically about owning you, no matter what.

And the same goes for me.  So I am choosing to keep going.  I choose not to give up.

I have made a commitment to get my body moving and to eat enough calories to support my level of activity.  I stand by that commitment, and I am still going.

To me, this commitment means dancing or walking every day and lifting heavy free weights at the gym 2-4 times a week.  It means getting enough sleep.  It means getting support from my friends and family for my emotional needs.  It means caring for my children.  It means balance.  It means staying grounded.

If I am at the gym 4 times a week and walking or dancing every day, I eat about 3000 calories a day.  If I experience a bout of anxiety and stress that requires 8-10 hours of sleep to manage, I eat about 2000 calories a day.  Oh, and there’s ice cream in the mix of those 2000 calories, because they give my body a relaxation boost.

I own me.

I don’t just own my decisions, and my relationships, and my ups and downs.  I also literally own my body.  I own the food that goes into my mouth that provides me with energy and sustenance.  I own the time that I spend in the gym growing lean tissue and I also own the time I spend not getting myself out the door, but sitting at my desk instead.

But no matter what it is, I take it all.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  And, get this.  I don’t even think of these things as “good” or “bad” anymore.  At least, not most of the time.  I see an obstacle in my life, like a relationship that isn’t working or a body that feels too heavy, and instead of saying that those are bad things I want to fix, I say, “Look!  An opportunity!”

Let’s just say that the last 60 days have been full of opportunities.  Yep.  My life is never boring!

Here’s what is going on with me.

I have decided to get divorced.  It’s amicable, but still stressful.  Granted, it’s also a relief, and we will both be happier in the long run.  Prior to making that decision, my stress hit a fever pitch, and I started to feel pretty terrible, both mentally and physically.  I stopped sleeping well, felt exhausted in body and mind, and even started having panic attacks again.

I know my body and mind well, and I am committed to noticing when my warning signs start giving me feedback. 

When I don’t want to go to the gym, I know something is off.  My energy has waned, and that’s a sign of stress.

When I have panic attacks, I know that something is unresolved.  If I am not processing my concerns productively, I have panic attacks.  They generally happen when I feel “stuck”.

When I feel tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I get, I know that my stress is too high.

Basically: I know that metabolism is slowing down, and I feel less energy.  I pay attention, and then I can troubleshoot.

So what have I done about it?  What can YOU do, if you are in a similar situation?

I got help.  I went to my doctor.  I sought out my life coaches.  I reached out to friends.  I consulted with Go Kaleo, and revisited my metabolic knowhow from my Matt Stone books.

If you feel depressed, go to your doctor or psychiatrist.  Real food can do a lot, but if you have mental health problems that persist, I feel that it is worth using medication we have available in our modern society.  If you feel like you want to end your life, you can call 1-800-SUICIDE and they will talk to you.  You are not alone, and neither am I.

As for my body, I did what I knew was best to support my metabolism: I slept more, and ate a little less to compensate for my inactivity.  This was also consistent with my diminished appetite. I ate warming foods like sugars, starches, and grains.  I didn’t force myself to go to the gym, but instead made sure that I got out of the house and played with my boys.

So where do we go from here?  Well.  I didn’t do a 90 day update.  I was in the middle of crisis at that point.  And so here I am at the 120 day update, still 15 pounds lighter, but not losing.

I haven’t worked out at all in about 1 1/2 weeks.  I have been sleeping and eating restorative foods that sound good to me, like bone-broth-based soups and homemade ice cream with caramel sauce.  I intend to continue to lower my stress, and get myself to the gym as soon as possible.  I love to lift, and I want to feel energized by walking and dancing again!

Bottom line: KEEP GOING.  Don’t be surprised if you have a small hiccup in your “get healthy” plans.  Just keep going.  Don’t be surprised even if you have a major shift in life.  It happens!  It doesn’t mean that you can’t keep going.

So join me.  Let’s keep going.

PAID ENDORSEMENT DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog.
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Comments

  1. You inspire me everyday I read your posts. I am not trying to lose weight but I gain so much insight and hope from your honesty and certainly feel connected to your journey. Thank you.

  2. Just keep swimming! (Nemo)

  3. This is very inspiring. Thank you.

  4. Regina HudsonYpu are an amazing person. I commend you on "keeping it real" and says:

    You are an amazing person! I commend you on “keeping it real”. I think that society in general gets so caught up in the age of technology that we forget the people behind the blogs/facebook etc…have real lives with real problems similar to the problems we all face. I’m with you…keeping it going. I wish you the best, whatever that means for you 🙂

  5. This is where you come to realize how truly strong you can be. One step forward, two steps back, but forward none-the-less. Now is the time to reward yourself with positive feelings for each mark of progress and learn from and how to minimize the set backs in your journey and forge ahead. Self approval and awareness is a mighty force in your repertoire. The trials you face now will become lessons in clarity. Looking forward to your next post.

  6. You are amazing. Lots of love and hugs your way.

  7. Hang in there, Kendahl! We are all behind you sending you lots of warm and fuzzy thoughts!! You can do this!

  8. From time to time I have a day where my body tells me to stop and recharge. If I do it, it usually only lasts a day or two. If I ignore it, I get sick. Every time. I’m getting better about listening to the yellow-light warning even when I have a list of reasons to “just do it” and “push through” and all those other demeaning, guilt-inducing blurbs. It’s a real challenge though, and sometimes I don’t associate the yellow light with the stress level or lack of sleep. Good on ya for hearing your own body louder than the world of shoulds and shouldn’ts!

  9. Thanks for your honesty. Sometimes life is freckin hard. I’m glad to be following your journey.

  10. Thanks so much for sharing! My heart goes out to you, and I totally know where you’re coming from. Life can be stressful! I’m so glad I’m better at taking care of myself now and riding out the stress–I used to just make things worse by not eating and not sleeping during times of stress because I was so wired on stress hormones! I’m glad you’ve been taking care of yourself during this time. It really does make all the difference in the long run.

  11. Hi! Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your journey. It takes so much courage. Wow! I was wondering if you have ever heard of Ttapping. It features wellness/rehab workouts that are short and intense. It pumps the lymphatic system and has many other benefits. I have gained weight using Matt Stone’s approach and although I don’t regret it, I am now very pleased to see my body slowly transforming with Ttapp, working out for only 15 minutes three times a week. I think Teresa Tapp is a genius, totally onto something. It also seems to affect the metabolism in a positive way, raising body temp. Anyway, just wanted to share! Good luck to you!

  12. Thank you for telling the truth. It’s always refreshing to find someone who “keeps it real.” I can relate to what you’re going through. I went through a divorce a few years ago and it is incredibly stressful. Sounds like you are doing a beautiful job of taking care of yourself, which will make this much easier than it would be otherwise.

    You inspire me to get back in the gym and just do whatever I can do, given my health limitations. Surprisingly, I’m noticing that when I don’t limit carbs, one of my most troubling health issues subsides. Hmmm…..just the opposite of what the latest diet craze would have you believe. So very interesting.

  13. I started following you about a month ago…I think it was some sort of boon from the Universe! I have been dealing with a work related injury for the past 1 1/2 years that has left me out of work and very sedentary. I just KNEW I would gain weight, so I cut my intake in half. I still gained 35 lbs. I just went to a new pain management doctor this week, and instead of just berating me, he actually asked what I eat each day. When I told him, he held my hand, and gently said, “Sweetie, you have starved yourself into adrenal fatigue. Your body will never heal with what you are doing to it right now. I want you to begin to eat at least 1500 to 2000 calories a day, get a lot of sleep, and heal your gut flora with whole foods and probiotics. THEN we can heal your back.” I wish to God I had been sent to this doctor when I was first hurt! I am fascinated by your story and example, and maybe it can help me on my healing journey, too!

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