I could have easily called this post “Can Orgasms Make You Skinny?”, or “Can Eating Carbs Make You Skinny?”. You see where I’m going, right? Hint: it has to do with bodily systems, stress, and feeling better!
Sleeping, having an orgasm, and eating carbs all have a similar effect on the body. They lower your stress. I don’t just mean you “feel good” when you do them. It’s something bigger than that. What I mean is that you are tapping into the parasympathetic nervous systems’s (PSNS) awesome power to heal you. And that power can be harnessed to lose weight that you may have gained from years of stress. Sounds pretty good, huh?
But first things first: did you know that stress might be making you fat? It’s not just calories in, calories out, you know.
I know in my case, stress is a factor. I gained a lot of weight while pregnant with my second child. Something clicked over, and I could feel it. I was tired, but it was different. Something was wrong with my body.
My best guess is that I gained weight when I reached a stress tipping point. My sympathetic nervous system could only take so much “fight or flight” and it started protecting my body with excess fat stores.
I grew up in abuse, and I have had PTSD for a long time. Even though I have consistently made good emotional strides, gone to therapy when possible, and become increasingly self-aware, something was too much for my body to handle.
It might be that I didn’t eat real food until a few years ago. It might be that I never slept as a child, or a teenager, or in college. It might be that I have chemical sensitivities. It might be my PTSD. It might be all the PUFA’s I ate for all those years on a SAD diet. It might be imbalanced hormones. It might be a combination of all or some of those factors.
PARASYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM: “REST AND DIGEST”
The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for all your feel good body systems. If you sleep enough, your body gets a signal that all is well. Your temperatures stay warm, your hands and feet keep their circulation (and are warm), your body digests food well, and your metabolism responds with more energy.
This is in stark contrast to the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) which deals mainly with stress responses. (I wrote about the SNS in my Is Stress Making You Fat? post.) Sympathetic and parasympathetic systems are sort of mirror images of each other, but work together rather than against each other. The parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) is known for “rest and digest”, the opposite of the SNS’s “fight or flight”.
The PSNS is a slower response system, meant for dealing with non-stress situations. So while stressors in life are to be expected, you may need to help your body get back to it’s non-stress state in order to ensure your body functions optimally.
The main functions of the PSNS are summed up with the acronym SLUDD (salivation, lacrimation (tears), urination, digestion, and defecation).
I know I know, the orgasm is missing. I promise it’s part of the PSNS package! In fact, I think that a lot of people experience, ahem, an increased libido when healing their metabolism. That’s right. You can heal your metabolism via your PSNS. Good news!
METABOLISM: THE ROOT OF THE SOLUTION
I think we need a better understanding of metabolism. It’s more important, dare I say, to understand metabolism even than the specifics of real food. Because real food works within the system of your body and the metabolism functions. It’s vital for you to understand how these systems effect you.
From Diet Recovery:
Yeah, I know. Eating pretty much any overly restricted diet will do these things to you. Throw some “healthy” exercise in there with it and you’ve got a recipe for shutting down your entire system. It’s all caused by a drop in metabolic rate, which, in today’s day and age, is more significant than ever because metabolic rate, collectively, is already at an all-time low.
This of course sucks because your metabolism controls, well, everything. No seriously. EVERYTHING. Metabolic rate controls the rate at which every single cell in your body produces energy. In turn this controls how much testosterone you produce as a male, or how much progesterone – the primary fertility, sex drive, and youth hormone you produce if you are a woman. It controls the speed at which food travels through your digestive tract (the lower the metabolism, the more you have excess gas, bloating, constipation, or even irritation and resultant IBS-like symptoms).
Metabolism controls how many of those happy neurotransmitters you produce too. When metabolism is low you sort of live, perpetually, in that state that people get in when they haven’t eaten in several hours – somewhere between depressed, spaced-out, and angry at the world.
So, metabolism is the focus here. Not weight, or calories-in-calories-out, or pristine food (even though I love real food, you know I do!) If you heal the mechanism of your metabolism, you will unlock your body’s ability to balance itself.
THIN PRIVILEGE (AND FAT HATRED)
So I have speculated about what I think caused my weight gain. In contrast, I’ll tell you what is NOT responsible. It’s not for lack of eating “healthy”. It’s not because I never work out. It’s not because I don’t care about my body. It’s not because I cannot control myself.
Thin privilege is real. If you are thin, people assume you are healthy and energetic and good. If you are fat, people assume you are unhealthy and lazy and bad.
This simple assumption creates pain for so many people, and they might be people like me: I was a real foodie, I was committed to GAPS for pete’s sake!, I was being so good! And I still got fatter, more tired, and ultimately more discouraged.
This is why Health at Every Size is so important to me, and many other people.
Some of us will find that our bodies respond to eating the food, sleeping, taking care of stress levels, and so on by losing weight. Some of us will simply feel better and not lose weight. This is just reality. But we will feel better. Maybe it’s time to value our bodies, even when they aren’t thin. Think about it.
The obesity epidemic is not simple to understand, nor remedy. If it was, we’d all be getting thinner. Perhaps…we are on the wrong track with all this talk of low-fat, no wait! low-carb, no wait! vegetarian, no wait! paleo/primal ping-ponging. It’s time to get back to basics.
The basics? Sleep, eat the food, get energy, be active, enjoy yourself when you do, love your body all the time for no reason at all, eat real food, and really live. Really.
This post is a part of Real Food Wednesday, Allergy Free Wednesday, The Mommy Club, Pennywise Platter, Simple Lives Thursday, Full Plate Thursday, Fight Back Friday, Fresh Bites Friday, Weekend Gourmet, Monday Mania, Fat Tuesday, Slightly Indulgent Tuesday.
I just recently started taking iodine supplements. I’ve been low fat/high carbs/low salt for 20 years. All sorts of things are messed up with me now. I went Paleo last fall and then switched to Primal since dairy doesn’t bother me and raw dairy actually helps.
I kept reading how the weight should just fall off but of course that didn’t happen in my case. Turns out it doesn’t for a lot of women. Of course in my case I’m very ill with a chronic illness and can’t exercise which isn’t helping matters. The least I can hope for is no more weight gain.
Then I read about iodine deficieny on Mark’s Daily Apple and it occured to me that I probably haven’t been getting enough iodine for a long long time. When I first started taking the supplements it kind of kicked my thyroid into high gear and within an hour I was stinking hot and sweating buckets. I cut the pills in half and cut back to every other day. I am now up to an entire pill most days and my feet and hands are finally warm all the time. I seem to have a bit more energy as well even though I have a chronic illness. The iodine is definitely doing something. I haven’t been this warm for a long time.
Lots of things can effect metabolism. I wish I could get tested for more vitamin/mineral deficiencies. When docs did run tests when I first got sick I was deficient in B12, magnesium, D, zinc and iron. I’ve had to take fairly large doses of all of these to get them back up into the normal range. I think my damaged gut had probably stopped me from absorbing these from my food. So it is a combination of things that have to happen: heal the gut, find out deficiencies and supplement for them, detox, and find out if you are deficient in iodine.
The body is complicated and I don’t think there is a single answer for anyone. And even on the perfect diet not everyone is going to be rail thin. I know I won’t be.
What a great comment. I think it’s so important to remember that you are the expert on you. I love that you found the missing link for your body, and your metabolism pretty much hinged on it. Simple tweaks can really go a long way.
Love this post! So true. I wish I could get more sleep. Two kids (one of which is nursing and a very early riser) plus my OCD prevent me from getting much sleep. And I know it’s just making me sicker. But I can’t do much about it at the moment. I hope some day I can get more sleep again when my kids are older.
I like the previous comment about deficiencies. That’s where I’m at. My gut is too damaged from restrictions (including GAPS) that I can’t absorb the nutrients I need. I’m trying to find a doctor that can help me get tested and get the supplements I need to get my body back in balance so I can enjoy more food again.
I really need to read that book and learn to love my body no matter what!
I am wondering how you went about GAPS that you feel it damaged your gut?
If you have any interest, going to lots of good fat every meal with something fermented every meal will help you. Not overnight, but it will help heal your gut.
I started with full GAPS, then gradually worked towards intro and back up to full GAPS…all while pg and bf…and I still am bf. I did GAPS “right” but also had extra restrictions based on what my body tolerates and what bothers my son. So my diet was too limited. I unintentionally ate too low carb. And that is not healthy. I am a carb type person to begin with. I don’t do well with a high protein diet…and that’s how I ate on GAPS. Again, it wasn’t a decision I made. That’s just what happened eating the foods I tolerated that were GAPS legal.
GAPS didn’t “damage” my gut per se. But it was so restrictive that it depleted my body of too many vitamins and minerals. So now I tolerate less food than I did pre-GAPS b/c I don’t have the micronutrients to allow my body to function properly. And without being able to eat the food that contains the micronutrients there is no way out with just diet.
I eat more fat than just about anyone I know – coconut oil, butter, evoo, animal fats…the good stuff. It’s 50-60% of my diet. I eat cultured and fermented foods. That’s not the problem. And it doesn’t work for me. I need to restore my body’s nutrient deficiencies. And a restricted diet will not do that. GAPS can be good…but it does not work for everyone. And it should be a more temporary diet for some (Iike me…I think I did it too long for my body). I do think GAPS has a lot of value. I still follow a lot of the principles. But it is also easy to not get the nourishment you need, and not everyone needs GAPS. You have to be very careful. I actually tolerate wheat better than a lot of GAPS-legal foods. And it’s about the only source of magnesium that I can eat right now. You really have to listen to your own body.
Oh I <3 this
Because it's so true and you are putting it in such simple terms! My favorite part – "rest and digest"…and I think a light bulb went off for me when you mentioned what the triggers for you could have been…I grew up on a horrible SAD diet, PUFA's galore, etc…I was borderline anorexic in junior high after a 7th grade health class that taught us how to count calories and that fat was bad…which in turn made for a very late start to having periods and when they did start I was doubled over in so much pain every time that the Dr prescribed The Pill – FOR A 16 YEAR OLD…really?! Talk about screwed up hormones, metabolism, etc!!!! I feel like I am finally healing even after years of doing low fat, no wait, low carb, no wait Paleo….that is so relate-able to me…
Thank you for putting this out there – I hope people will find healing through your words of calm. I know I have more healing to do – mostly mental because I'm not loving the extra few pounds I've put on by just eating the food – but I FEEL BETTER…and I have a sex drive again, and I'm not freaking out all the time, and I can feel my hands and feet again!
This is filled with really valuable information, and I really appreciate your honesty and how your share your experience. The message in society today is “You can control your weight. You can control how you look.” This is true to some degree, but not all the time. You mentioned that you gained weight on the GAPS diet, which is–I think–the healthiest choice out there. I can’t control the shape of my body, either, even though I follow the GAPS diet. For example, as a dancer, I try to maintain my muscle tone and strength. But some weeks I am just too weak to do physical exercise.
It is so important to show give our bodies love and gratitude even when they don’t look/function like we want them too. That is ultimately healing.
I didn’t gain weight on GAPS at first. At first, I felt amazing and lost 30 pounds. THEN I gained the 30 pounds back, went off GAPS, started RRARFing, and gained even more weight. But now I feel like things are falling into place. I wouldn’t be surprised if I start dropping weight this year.
If you are following the GAPS diet and sometimes you are too weak to do physical exercise, something is amiss. Check out my post on how to get enough carbs on GAPS, and see if you have a lot of symptoms listed in The Catecholamine Honeymoon, and if so, read Diet Recovery!
Love this post! So tired of people thinking that being thin or fat is simply a matter of self-control or discipline! My own self-experimentation showed there to only be a few pounds difference between being SUPER strict and being totally lax, so clearly there’s more to it than being lazy VS being motivated.
Awesome post, Kendahl!
I do think the thin privileged thing has so many problems attached to it… for both sides. Like you said, our bodies respond to the many complex “stuff” we throw at it in such different and unique ways. My body has responded to stress in different ways. I fall into the “thin” category currently, but I definitely don’t feel at my peak. My adrenals are so fatigued currently (probably from not sleeping well AT ALL for the past year and a half…) that I’ve noticed some other subtle things coming to surface because of it. Things like horrible insomnia and allergies (something I’ve never had before). But since I don’t have a weight problem, nobody seems to take my health issues very seriously. Instead, they see my body (especially if they knew me during my “chunky” college days) and think, “Wow! What are you doing? You look great.” Even though I feel like crap far too often.
Point is: Health has little to do with size. Health is about how we feel, how we can function, and the zest we feel about life. And if we could lose the size mentality we might be able to help more people find that kind of health.
Anyway, I’m glad we’re friends. The end.
This is wonderful! So glad I found this. Can you speak to the lavender oil at all? Simply a soporific, or more than that? Thanks!
Yes, just a soporific. I find it very soothing, and it helps me sleep and settle down for the night
Excellent post! Thank you sharing.
Well I ADORE sleep so… this sounds wonderful to me!
For me, getting enough sleep = having enough energy to work out, which then gives me even more energy to take on the rest of the day and keep active! 
Thank you for a very honest and no nonsense post about this issue. I have only just begun to wonder about PTSD and the connection between my hyper-awareness, reactions to stressful situations. Having also grown up in an unstable abusive environment, I am sure it has contributed to my inability to control my SNS systems. I’m told to relax and to breath and to activate the PSNS system, but it is hard to transcend your bodies habits. Eating well and supplementing for gut health and hormone balancing is helping a lot, but the Adrenals and stress remain my last problem to conquer. I’m not trying to lose weight but I hate that at 5’6″ and 165lbs I’m considered overweight using my BMI as the judge.
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Boy do I relate to this post! I too had abuse as a child and many other stressful events that gave me PTSD. I stayed thin threw it all, but in January I gave birth to what has turned out to be the baby that never sleeps. I’m 7 months postpartum and have been functioning on 3-4 hours (not consecutive hours) of sleep a day. At first I lost all my pregnancy weight, but in the months since the birth have gained 20lbs that I know is due to lack of sleep. It’s so frustrating!
One discovery I’ve made in the last couple weeks is craniosacral therapy. I sought it out as a sleep solution for baby, thinking our traumatic birth might be the source of her sleep issues, but ended up benefitting form the treatments myself. The practitioner explained it is like a reset button for your nervous system, and calms down the SNS. I have felt such a huge difference in my own body since my first treatment. The little sleep I’m getting is much more sound. When faced with a stressful situation, I don’t go into hyperalert. I did also notice a difference with the baby, but sadly she’s still not sleeping. I’m looking forward to a couple more craniosaral sessions. I totally recommend it for anyone who’s been carrying around trauma baggage.
Thank you so much for this post! You explained so much in a very simple to understand way. I love it!
I have been sleep deprived for years, and in a state of stress for almost as long. With that being said, I believe it’s sleep, sleep and more sleep that will help to heal me.
I have been getting over my food phobias and pretty much eat intuitively. I RRARFed for awhile, and now get full on much less food than before. I’m not worried or concerned about certain foods being scarce and it’s wonderful! I also have hardly any food cravings, as well (when I was low-carb/Paleo-ish, I craved sweets and carbs all the time…)
And…I’m also another person who gained weight while RRARFing, but I didn’t properly sleep and rest like I should have. I also have a huge problem with edema, which I really, really want to get rid of because it’s uncomfortable. The heat from the “lovely” Arizona summers (where I live) also seems to make my edema worse.
In eating more carbs, I’ve been able to sleep better at night. I still am not getting the shut-eye I need, and will start going to sleep earlier.
I’m going to start supplementing with valerian at night to see how it helps. I was taking melatonin, but it made me feel worse the next day, so I stopped. I think it leads to too much serotonin (melatonin is kind of in the same family as 5htp and tryptophan) in the body, which can lead to too much estrogen, which can mess us the thyroid and makes the body make less progesterone… this is all according to Ray Peat, but…I DO feel better not taking melatonin at night.
Thank you again for such a wonderful article!
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